so i don't understand people. but i guess thats what makes us all pretty speical eh? the fact that we can't make up our minds, the fact that we overreact, or the fact that we can only keep about 80% of the promises we make.  i'm just fed up of people always wanting my help. i mean, it makes me a good friend, and a good person. i guess helps me with mine in a sense, cause then i can take my own advice. but it justs like, they never if i'm okay. i mean look at me. i basically have problem written all over my face. but i'm too busy wrapped up in whos breaking up, who wants who, and stuff like that. i finally get a chance to sit down and look at my own problems, and here comes another swarm of "OMG megan help me." i mean, yea i love it. i love knowing my friends are happy and can settle the issue, and such. but i would just like someone to tell me what to do for once. someone to say "hey. if you do this, you'll totally get everything you've ever wished for."

try a perfect body, with a decent boyfriend to match.

but whatever. i guess they just get pushed aside. to be honest, i don't know if i'm asking for pity, or just for some to listen to me.

well to start, i don't know what to do about K. last night was like thee best converstation i've had with a boy in a really really long time. and today at school, i actually said hi first. which never happens, because of my lack of confidence. so it was a MAJOR step taken. and yea we chatted, but with not much time, cause the bell was going to ring. so eh.

and maybe i'm just overreacting, or ugly.

but now it seems as if he doesnt want to talk to me.like i bother him. or if he ingores me i'll go away. but katie did say hes like one of the nicest people you'll ever meet, and he'll pretty much do anything for you. but how do you tell someone you don't want, that you don't want them, without hurting them.

hell if i know, i've never done it in a nice way.

but it still bothers me to think about, and who knows, i could be lieing straight through my teeth. i don't know how he feels or thinks. but why are my feelings so strong. maybe cause i'm lonely(yes), maybe because i wanna make zach jealous (yes), or maybe i just need someone there for me. someone who cares and loves me unconditional.

whatever the case is, i guess i just have to admit that everything takes time. and no matter how fast i want it to go, it won't. and i have to bend and flex to make it work.

i gotta learn to SLOW DOWN and not worry so much.

if he doesn't want me, his loss right?

but gah, he's so cute. and nice, and actually seems to give a hoot. but who am i to judge. i don't know him yet. and thats another thing that bothers me. hes still away, so how can i bring up seeing him, asking him what his favorite this is, and his favorite that. its crazy how much thinking that boy has put me through. without even knowing it.

dudeee, i'm like psyco. ahaha. i just want him to want to tlak to me, want me to say hi, want to hang out. i mean, granted, we havent really talked that long for me to say he doesnt, and again, i'm expecting things too fast.

hmmm, i kinda think thats my probably. katie knows him better than i do, and she says nothings wrong. so why am i getting ahead of myself. hmmmm.

slow, slow. thats what it is.

i can't expect results right away. whats the fun in that. at least if something does happen, i know its for real. instead of the "relationship" i just got out of.

i don't know, i gotta sleep. i'm tired from staying up to talk to that kid. hmmm, i don't know. i guess enough ranting for one day. :D

this isn't really going to be that long.

i kinda don't have that much to say.

i did work out today, for like an hour or so.

it was nice, i kinda worked away my stress.

i feel better about myself, and i totally stuck to my diet.

so i feel soo much better, and i'm excited to lose weight.

i cried in 2nd though.

for like the whole hour.

to be honest, i don't know if i made myself cry.

or if it was real.

but the more i thought about him.

the more i cried.

maybe it's the idea of him.

i love, love.

maybe it was fate that he broke up with me.

so i could figure that out.

and learned to love the person.

not what the person says or does.

hmmm, i never really did think about that.

theres so many fights that could have been avoided because of that.

so i guesss i learned my lesson.

as they say.

his loss right?

hmmm, today was uneventful.

but sometimes thats good.

i guess, in this case it was.

i needed a day off, to think, releax, and just to unwine.

i watched tv, which i havent done in ages.

and i followed my diet.

which helps, because tomorrow mum's signing up for cardinal fitness.

which means i'm on my way to losing weight.

for sure this time.

and that makes it all better.

plus, i talked to Justin.

told him how i felt, asked if i was doing anything wrong.

and i wasn't. expect for not repeating myself.

but no biggie, it's easily fixed.

it's just me too, he said nothing was akward, and i believe him.

he acted like it didn't bother him.

i just assumed it would, since it bothered me.

but again, i need to let go of little things bothering me.

he told me he needed me.

and i need him.

so at least i know he cares, and doesn't want this to end.

it makes me feel better, cause either do i